A Rosh Yeshiva was sitting having a meeting with some talmidei chachamim when a bochur stuck his head round the door.
'Rebbe, Rebbe - Chaim is engaged!' he exclaimed happily.
'Mazal Tov! Mazal Tov! That's such wonderful news! Thank you so much for telling me!' the Rosh Yeshiva enthusiastically replied.
A few minutes later, another bachur stuck his head around and said,
'Rebbe, Rebbe, did you hear? Chaim is a chatan!'
'Oh that's wonderful! Mazal Tov! Thank you so much for that happy news!' the Rosh Yeshiva again was enthusiastic with his reply.
A few minutes later, the scenario repeated itself, with the Rosh Yeshiva showing no knowledge of having already heard the news.
One of the talmidei chachamim turned to the Rosh Yeshiva and asked him why he didn't tell the bochurim that he had heard the news already.
'What? And spoil his happiness that he was able to tell me the good news?'
This is such an easy but so important chesed that we can do for eachother. How many times have you been eager to share knowledge of asimcha, or simply something you found out recently, only to hear 'I know', or 'I heard already'. Remember how deflated you felt?
We can all do a big chesed to our friends, just by showing the same enthusiasm to something we may already know, to share in our friends' excitement and simcha.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Hey guys - 2+2=4 you know!!!
After the Shoah, the Torah community in Eastern Europe was decimated. Understandably, the focus of the frum community was to replace what was lost, in Torah, learning, genius and community. The focus was 'get the men into yeshiva'.
As a result, a very large change took place in the frum world. Where previously only those who could afford it or had a wealthy father-in-law who could support them were able to learn all day, and there were relatively few that lived in poverty for the sake of Torah learning, with the majority of men learning a trade and earning a living, now the majority were in kollel. Where previously women could mostly concentrate on running the home and raising children, now they were being almost forced into the bread winner role that their husbands would have taken in a previous generation.
Here we are, a generation on, and ONE IN FIVE of the Israeli chareidi children are dropping out - going 'off the derech'. That is a huge percentage and it's not so hard to see why.
When I was becoming religious, I was totally sold on the 'women in the home' stuff - it made total sense. Women were naturally maternal, empathic beings created for looking after the children. Their intelligence would be used in educating them in Torah and creating the spirituality in the home.
However, once I'm frum I'm being told, right, now your husband is going to learn all day so you have to get a job, girlie!
Hold on a sec, who is looking after the kids then? Oh, the childminder/metapelet/gannenet etc etc.
When the husband is learning all day and the wife is working all day, who is there to stop the kids going off the derech? The childminder? With parenting like that, who needs outside influences?
As a result, a very large change took place in the frum world. Where previously only those who could afford it or had a wealthy father-in-law who could support them were able to learn all day, and there were relatively few that lived in poverty for the sake of Torah learning, with the majority of men learning a trade and earning a living, now the majority were in kollel. Where previously women could mostly concentrate on running the home and raising children, now they were being almost forced into the bread winner role that their husbands would have taken in a previous generation.
Here we are, a generation on, and ONE IN FIVE of the Israeli chareidi children are dropping out - going 'off the derech'. That is a huge percentage and it's not so hard to see why.
When I was becoming religious, I was totally sold on the 'women in the home' stuff - it made total sense. Women were naturally maternal, empathic beings created for looking after the children. Their intelligence would be used in educating them in Torah and creating the spirituality in the home.
However, once I'm frum I'm being told, right, now your husband is going to learn all day so you have to get a job, girlie!
Hold on a sec, who is looking after the kids then? Oh, the childminder/metapelet/gannenet etc etc.
When the husband is learning all day and the wife is working all day, who is there to stop the kids going off the derech? The childminder? With parenting like that, who needs outside influences?
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
The True Message of Chanukah
Chanukah is not a very fulfilling festival when you live in the West. Spending 2 minutes lighting a chanukiah and singing some songs every night for 8 days just doesn't cut it against the trees, lights, tinsle, shopping, etc etc of the 'competition'.
So we should use these 8 days to reestablish our priorities, find our strength and place in the world.
As a child, I was never given 'Chanukah presents' as my father said that it was commercialisation due to Xmas and nothing to do with Chanukah itself. We did have Chanukah gelt though - a little baggy of chocolate money.
I didn't feel left out, I felt proud. Proud to be Jew and proud of everything else we have as Jews. Sure, they have Xmas, but we have Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot, Purim, Chanukah, a bunch of fast days and the high holy days too. With every Yom Tov we get new clothes, Purim fulfils any 'dressing up' ambitions we might have, our spirituality is hightened with every Rosh HaShanah and even monthly with Rosh Chodesh. We have enough festivals, thank you, we don't need yours.
So this Chanukah we shouldn't feel that we are lacking, we shouldn't feel a need to compensate with many gifts and artificial celebrations.
Chanukah is a celebration of the victory of spirituality over materialism, Judaism over Hellenism. It is a victory of people who didn't think that everything Greek was therefore good. They fought against civilisation, did things that were politically incorrect (brit milah), threw rocks and headed for the hills. How many of us would do what they did?
Olympics, Gymnasium, Museum, Circus, Theatre, these are all Greek concepts that have insinuated there ways into our, Jewish, lives. Some of them have their place but we must be virulent and ensure they do not change us, they do not lower us from where we are supposed to be.
So use this Chanukah, strengthen yourself, and don't succumb to the tinsle.
So we should use these 8 days to reestablish our priorities, find our strength and place in the world.
As a child, I was never given 'Chanukah presents' as my father said that it was commercialisation due to Xmas and nothing to do with Chanukah itself. We did have Chanukah gelt though - a little baggy of chocolate money.
I didn't feel left out, I felt proud. Proud to be Jew and proud of everything else we have as Jews. Sure, they have Xmas, but we have Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot, Purim, Chanukah, a bunch of fast days and the high holy days too. With every Yom Tov we get new clothes, Purim fulfils any 'dressing up' ambitions we might have, our spirituality is hightened with every Rosh HaShanah and even monthly with Rosh Chodesh. We have enough festivals, thank you, we don't need yours.
So this Chanukah we shouldn't feel that we are lacking, we shouldn't feel a need to compensate with many gifts and artificial celebrations.
Chanukah is a celebration of the victory of spirituality over materialism, Judaism over Hellenism. It is a victory of people who didn't think that everything Greek was therefore good. They fought against civilisation, did things that were politically incorrect (brit milah), threw rocks and headed for the hills. How many of us would do what they did?
Olympics, Gymnasium, Museum, Circus, Theatre, these are all Greek concepts that have insinuated there ways into our, Jewish, lives. Some of them have their place but we must be virulent and ensure they do not change us, they do not lower us from where we are supposed to be.
So use this Chanukah, strengthen yourself, and don't succumb to the tinsle.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Shtetl vs Open Community
Having read a few articles recently about New Square and Williamsburg, and thinking about the recent elections in Betar that caused a landmark victory for a group that canvassed on a platform of stopping the 'committee' that approves all tenants and buyers in the area, I began to think about closed vs open communities.
We have had shtetls for hundreds of years and many, many were totally obliterated in the Shoah. This does beg the question as to whether Hashem was trying to tell us something. The age-old conundrum of 'being a light unto the nations' whilst being enclosed was always answered to me, from my kiruv professionals, that we have always been enclosed and separate and have had a huge affect on the nations. However, with my background in Jewish History significantly advanced now, I know this isn't true. The Rambam was the Sultan of Cairo's official physician. The Abarbanel was very influencial in the courts of King Frederick and Isabella. The Ramban had a high profile Disputation against the early Inquisition. This isn't being enclosed, this is being out there, in your face.
Statistics (don't ask me what they are or where they are from, I don't know), say that the drop-out rate is far higher from closed communities such as Bnei Brak, Beitar, RBS Bet etc than open ones such as in Tel Aviv and Haifa. However New Square in upstate New York is entirely enclosed and has a virtually non-existant drop out rate. I think New Square is an exception as they also have a tolerant and caring atmosphere, a strong sense of Ahavas Yisroel and a reputation of no machloket that all children are infused with.
So on the whole, more closed communities lead to higher number of kids dropping out. Why? One answer is that kids in 'open' communities have to confront their identity early on, are dealing with questions in faith and ask their parents those questions, and their parents, in turn, have to be prepared with answers. Parents (and teachers for that matter) in closed communities don't expect the questions, probably never asked them themselves growing up and don't know how to deal with them, preferring to yell at their kids for having chutzpah than seriously search for answers.
Questions such as "How do we know Hashem gave us the Torah?""How do we know Hashem exists?""How do we deal with issues such as Evolution and the Big Bang?" need to be answered in every teenagers' mind. Open communities foster healthy questioning and self-search that can only lead to stronger Jews.
We have had shtetls for hundreds of years and many, many were totally obliterated in the Shoah. This does beg the question as to whether Hashem was trying to tell us something. The age-old conundrum of 'being a light unto the nations' whilst being enclosed was always answered to me, from my kiruv professionals, that we have always been enclosed and separate and have had a huge affect on the nations. However, with my background in Jewish History significantly advanced now, I know this isn't true. The Rambam was the Sultan of Cairo's official physician. The Abarbanel was very influencial in the courts of King Frederick and Isabella. The Ramban had a high profile Disputation against the early Inquisition. This isn't being enclosed, this is being out there, in your face.
Statistics (don't ask me what they are or where they are from, I don't know), say that the drop-out rate is far higher from closed communities such as Bnei Brak, Beitar, RBS Bet etc than open ones such as in Tel Aviv and Haifa. However New Square in upstate New York is entirely enclosed and has a virtually non-existant drop out rate. I think New Square is an exception as they also have a tolerant and caring atmosphere, a strong sense of Ahavas Yisroel and a reputation of no machloket that all children are infused with.
So on the whole, more closed communities lead to higher number of kids dropping out. Why? One answer is that kids in 'open' communities have to confront their identity early on, are dealing with questions in faith and ask their parents those questions, and their parents, in turn, have to be prepared with answers. Parents (and teachers for that matter) in closed communities don't expect the questions, probably never asked them themselves growing up and don't know how to deal with them, preferring to yell at their kids for having chutzpah than seriously search for answers.
Questions such as "How do we know Hashem gave us the Torah?""How do we know Hashem exists?""How do we deal with issues such as Evolution and the Big Bang?" need to be answered in every teenagers' mind. Open communities foster healthy questioning and self-search that can only lead to stronger Jews.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Kiruv by the black hats.
An interesting article on crosscurrents.com provoked some thought. Currently, the major kiruv movements are Aish, Chabad and Ohr Sameach. Doing a great job? Undoubtedly. Possibly not doing the best job possible? Also true.
The author Rav Belovsky wrote (not quoted accurately, forgive me) that you cannot take an eclectic bunch of secular Jews and make them religious clones. It's just not right. It also doesn't work so well.
There exists a need to fill a gap in the kiruv world - this gap consists of an organisation that will help make kids any kind of frum. White kippah, black kippah, Zionist, whatever. Or at least show them that within Orthodox Judaism there exists a range of ways to be frum. You were a hippy before? We can find you hippy Judaism, no problem. You were a rebel? Be a frum one.
The author Rav Belovsky wrote (not quoted accurately, forgive me) that you cannot take an eclectic bunch of secular Jews and make them religious clones. It's just not right. It also doesn't work so well.
There exists a need to fill a gap in the kiruv world - this gap consists of an organisation that will help make kids any kind of frum. White kippah, black kippah, Zionist, whatever. Or at least show them that within Orthodox Judaism there exists a range of ways to be frum. You were a hippy before? We can find you hippy Judaism, no problem. You were a rebel? Be a frum one.
It's easy to have emunah when it's not you with the problem...
I found myself today telling someone - "You've done enough hishtadlus, this situation is too weird, leave it up to Hashem now, if He wants it to happen it will".
Wow I wish I could think that about personal problems! But no, just keep doing that hishtadlus, and if that fails, try something else! G-d wouldn't WANT my situation to be so hard, right? He's just waiting for me to find the right kind of hishtadlus!
(Lets not talk about davening, with 2 kids that's a big sore point)
Wow I wish I could think that about personal problems! But no, just keep doing that hishtadlus, and if that fails, try something else! G-d wouldn't WANT my situation to be so hard, right? He's just waiting for me to find the right kind of hishtadlus!
(Lets not talk about davening, with 2 kids that's a big sore point)
What is tznius anyway?
Sorry I haven't written for ages. I wasn't getting sufficiently annoyed about anything to prompt writing. I now am!
Is tznius about shying away? Is it about people not noticing who you are? I don't think so anymore.
People stick out when they cover up nowadays, especially in the heat of the summer. I stick out in a tichel (but people tell me sheitels aren't tznius - well certain ones aren't anyway). NOT sticking out when covering my hair could be a maarat ayin issue as people might not be able to tell it's covered.
Being tzanuah, in my opinion, is causing the internal to be focussed on, not the external. So if I wear a custom made, long, shiny, straight gorgeous sheitel, that causes the builders to stop and stare at me on the street, I'm not being tznius because I'm causing them to focus on my externals.
A charedi mentor of mine told me recently that she doesn't envy certain women's places in shamayim. She mentioned some names - women who make wigs. She said they are doing a disservice to klal yisrael. Strong? Maybe not!
Suddenly it's fashionable and cool to wear a pony wig. Apparently these came into fashion before and were assured by the gedolim. Not this time? Because the gedolim no longer have the power to enforce such bans anymore.
I'm bringing this up now because although I understand that women often have a problem with covering their hair, I have always had a problem when they looked more attractive married then single. Such girls often have no knowledge of the line between attractive and attracting - they cross it frequently and to be honest it isn't fair. Not just to the men that end up staring, but also to little old me that feels increasingly not so righteous but just left out.
My sheitels look like sheitels. I am in the minority!
Is tznius about shying away? Is it about people not noticing who you are? I don't think so anymore.
People stick out when they cover up nowadays, especially in the heat of the summer. I stick out in a tichel (but people tell me sheitels aren't tznius - well certain ones aren't anyway). NOT sticking out when covering my hair could be a maarat ayin issue as people might not be able to tell it's covered.
Being tzanuah, in my opinion, is causing the internal to be focussed on, not the external. So if I wear a custom made, long, shiny, straight gorgeous sheitel, that causes the builders to stop and stare at me on the street, I'm not being tznius because I'm causing them to focus on my externals.
A charedi mentor of mine told me recently that she doesn't envy certain women's places in shamayim. She mentioned some names - women who make wigs. She said they are doing a disservice to klal yisrael. Strong? Maybe not!
Suddenly it's fashionable and cool to wear a pony wig. Apparently these came into fashion before and were assured by the gedolim. Not this time? Because the gedolim no longer have the power to enforce such bans anymore.
I'm bringing this up now because although I understand that women often have a problem with covering their hair, I have always had a problem when they looked more attractive married then single. Such girls often have no knowledge of the line between attractive and attracting - they cross it frequently and to be honest it isn't fair. Not just to the men that end up staring, but also to little old me that feels increasingly not so righteous but just left out.
My sheitels look like sheitels. I am in the minority!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Boycott El Al??
We have a flight to England before Pesach (coming back before Pesach too) with El Al. Why El Al? Because in today's day and age of possible suicide bombers, hijackers, rockets aimed at aircraft etc, it is the most secure airline in the world. With which other airline do I know there are undercover officers on the plane in case there is a nutter suicide hijacker flying with us? With which other airline do they Xray your checked luggage (not just your hand luggage)?
Do I fly because they're Israel's national airline? No, not really. I'm willing to pay a bit extra for peace of mind.
So should I boycott El Al? Why shouldn't they fly on Shabbat?! I mean, most of the country doesn't keep Shabbos, Moshiach is NOT here yet and therefore there is no reason that they will start keeping Shabbos tomorrow.
Rabbi Nathan Cardozo talks about Abrahamaic vs Mosaic (i.e. from Moses) law in reference to 'enforced Judaism' in Eretz Yisrael. He says there is no way you can enforce Mosaic law on a people who don't understand and haven't accepted Torah themselves. Abrahamaic law, however, you can. This means common morals and basic absolutes like 'do not murder'. It does not mean Kashrus and Shabbos.
To enforce Shabbos observance in the non-observant will cause resentment and not bring Jews back to Torah.
We're asking a shaila (as all Torah-observant Jews should do). However they already have our money and therefore we can't actually boycott them anyway (non-refundable tickets).
Do I fly because they're Israel's national airline? No, not really. I'm willing to pay a bit extra for peace of mind.
So should I boycott El Al? Why shouldn't they fly on Shabbat?! I mean, most of the country doesn't keep Shabbos, Moshiach is NOT here yet and therefore there is no reason that they will start keeping Shabbos tomorrow.
Rabbi Nathan Cardozo talks about Abrahamaic vs Mosaic (i.e. from Moses) law in reference to 'enforced Judaism' in Eretz Yisrael. He says there is no way you can enforce Mosaic law on a people who don't understand and haven't accepted Torah themselves. Abrahamaic law, however, you can. This means common morals and basic absolutes like 'do not murder'. It does not mean Kashrus and Shabbos.
To enforce Shabbos observance in the non-observant will cause resentment and not bring Jews back to Torah.
We're asking a shaila (as all Torah-observant Jews should do). However they already have our money and therefore we can't actually boycott them anyway (non-refundable tickets).
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
SO annoying
I'm getting really annoyed with the posters going up in my shopping centre telling women to dress modestly.
Firstly, I understand that men wish to sensitise themselves and do not wish to be faced with immodestly-dressed women - but posters up, no matter how tactfully put, ostracise non-religious people that come to shop. I have seen a few people wearing jeans and low-cut tops and I am sure they will not feel welcomed to Judaism by these posters. This is another example of forcing people to do what they naturally would not and does not bring people to Torah. In fact, I believe it is a Chillul Hashem as it creates bad feeling towards religious Jews.
Secondly, I know the shopping centre is in a more ultra-orthodox area, but this neighbourhood is religiously mixed and this is the only shopping centre! If the ultra-orthodox are so sensitive they should go and live in the more ultra-orthodox neighbourhood down the road...
Thirdly, I don't believe anyway that men should be SO sensitive - this causes more ghettoisation and although in non-Jewish countries this may have been necessary, in a country filled with Jews, mixing and promoting tolerance will bring more people back to Hashem.
Fourthly - why don't the posters mention what men should be wearing? I mean, I know it's not usually an issue but just to show that the laws of tznius also apply to men - the passuk - you should walk modestly with Hashem - is not women-only! Modesty means more than just clothes as well.
Anyway, that's my rant.
Firstly, I understand that men wish to sensitise themselves and do not wish to be faced with immodestly-dressed women - but posters up, no matter how tactfully put, ostracise non-religious people that come to shop. I have seen a few people wearing jeans and low-cut tops and I am sure they will not feel welcomed to Judaism by these posters. This is another example of forcing people to do what they naturally would not and does not bring people to Torah. In fact, I believe it is a Chillul Hashem as it creates bad feeling towards religious Jews.
Secondly, I know the shopping centre is in a more ultra-orthodox area, but this neighbourhood is religiously mixed and this is the only shopping centre! If the ultra-orthodox are so sensitive they should go and live in the more ultra-orthodox neighbourhood down the road...
Thirdly, I don't believe anyway that men should be SO sensitive - this causes more ghettoisation and although in non-Jewish countries this may have been necessary, in a country filled with Jews, mixing and promoting tolerance will bring more people back to Hashem.
Fourthly - why don't the posters mention what men should be wearing? I mean, I know it's not usually an issue but just to show that the laws of tznius also apply to men - the passuk - you should walk modestly with Hashem - is not women-only! Modesty means more than just clothes as well.
Anyway, that's my rant.
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